I cannot sleep so I will write. Today is the sabbath, a day I was taught as a young child to hold sacred and look forward to. It's a day to reflect, renew covenants, and make appropriate changes. It's a day of strength to help get me through another week.
It's been a tough week. It started out a normal Monday with my daily tasks set in my head: make the bed, vacuum downstairs, meal plan for the week, go to the store if needed, make dinner, clean up the kitchen, workout, shower, cuddle with my husband until bedtime. Yes, that is a typical Monday in this home. I decided to take on an extra task of making things to sell and open an Etsy store. Off to Michael's we went. We got supplies and started on the crafts. With one done before dinner I was feeling pretty good.
Then Camden caught the flu. Tuesday and Wednesday were all thrown off because of a little boy who was terrified every time he threw up. He was my main concern. The house work was put on hold. The kitchen was not cleaned at night. My workouts halted. My world revolved around making my son comfortable and watching a lot of Lightning McQueen and anything with pirates.
Finally Thursday we were in the clear going 24 hours fever free. Until that night I was awake with him every thirty minutes while he screamed in pain from constipation (tmi, I know). Watching him cry and knowing how bad he felt broke something inside of me as well. It was terrible.
"THERE ARE FEW THINGS MORE POWERFUL THAN THE PRAYERS OF A RIGHTEOUS MOTHER."
-Boyd K. Packer
I pleaded with my Father in Heaven to help him go. I wanted to know what I could do to help him feel better and what may have caused it. I immediately thought back to his diet over the past few days. I had really slacked on it as I was trying to get him to eat something, anything. Cheese, yogurt raisens, and milk chocolate all came to my mind. Camden has an allergy to dairy.
I felt horrible. I'm his mother. He's too young to know what he can and can't have. The responsibility and blame all fell on me. He was suffering because of it. Finally a small miracle occurred and he fell asleep for four hours.
That morning I gave him foods that should've helped give him some relief. It didn't. I went back to my pleading with my Father in Heaven. This time I had an immediate thought. I pulled out the blender and loaded it up with fruit, juice, ice, and topped it off with flaxseed. He drank it down and within thirty minutes found that relief.
The rest of the day went smoothly. I vacuumed the entire house, dusted, disinfected, washed, and put away two loads of laundry. After putting him to bed I indexed for a bit, showered, and cuddled with my husband. I finally was able to sleep the whole night.
And then there's today. It was busy yet fulfilling. But as I sat on the couch this evening I felt so inadequate. I looked around the house and thought about the tasks I had completed during the week. It felt like nothing was done. I felt like I couldn't accomplish anything. Maybe being a stay at home mom really meant I did nothing all day.
After Camden went to bed I thought of him. Was I really doing any good with him? I didn't feel adequate enough to be his mother or Matt's wife. As I pulled his clothes out of the dryer I groaned and shook my head. I had once again failed. Why did it feel like getting his clothes put away before he went to bed was so hard to ask?!
I picked out the collared shirts, heated up the iron, and grabbed Matt's shirt for church. As I started on them I felt so much emotion of being a failure. And, like always, I needed my Father in Heaven. After a quick prayer I thought about just the past few hours. Camden painted for the first time and loved it. He pulled himself up on the couch all by himself for the first time. He told me a tiger says "rawr". He brought me the bubble bath while the water ran, his little eyes pleading for one of his favorite things. He folded his arms during prayer and said amen.
All of these firsts and all of these seemingly insignificant little things he did today are significant in his growth and development. It's because of the help of from his mother. It's because of me.
"THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK YOU WILL EVER DO WILL BE WITHIN THE WALLS OF YOUR OWN HOME." -Harold B. Lee
These seemingly monotonous day to day tasks that a mother does are important. The laundry didn't get put away, but he has clean clothes. There are toys scattered throughout the day, but I have a home full of laughter and smiles from a happy child. Dinner consisted of chicken nuggets, french fries, grapes, and almond milk. My toddler's tummy is full and happy.
Being a mother doesn't mean being perfect. It means being there to teach, laugh, and grow with your child. Days or even weeks will be hard. But as we sit back and really reflect on our days, we will catch the rays of sunshine that accompany it. And that is a beautiful feeling.
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